Grumpy

I have been in the weirdest mood for the last few days. Everything sucks! The weather, my clothes, my job, my friends and especially my mood. On top of that I had to study for a resit. Well guess what...?! That didn't happen. So not only do I feel very grumpy, but also majorly guilty for not studying. What is it in life that we inflict ourselves with these feelings, neatly fitting into a box. I am so sick of fitting in that box. Life is too short to be boring!!

So the first thing I'm going to do is to try and get out of this horrible grumpy mood. Don't yet know how, but I'm a clever girl, so I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Miss Dahl

Everybody knows Roahl Dahl, it's a must! His books have been around for quite some time and they never get boring. Recently there has been a new Dahl in publicity, Roahl Dahl's granddaughter: Sophie Dahl.

Yesterday after my favorite saturday morning program, Saturday Kitchen, a new program appeared: The Delicious Miss Dahl. I figured another cooking show (out of the dozen!!), but Miss Dahl pleasantly surprised me with her homesick cooking theme of the day. My mouth started to water, I instantly fell in love with her kitchen and I felt the urge to start cooking straight away!!

I can't wait for next saturday!! =D

Essay stress

All week I have been dreading this: writing my essay. It has haunted me in my sleep, especially last night, I kept waking up and thinking: 'oh, but what if I change this sentence into that'. The most horrible feeling. The reason why I was so horrified about this essay was because I just couldn't find the right angle, my head was a big mess of tangling wires that all went into a different direction. And all of them were impossible to link. Several sessions at school, where I had to lay down my ideas, were fruitless and only made the wires more tangled.
On top of that my ex-boyfriend moved out and that made it impossible for me to concentrate on anything for longer than 15 minutes. Luckily I still have my friends. I imagine I drove my friend Sarah crazy by calling her half the weekend. But despite that and my hell-weekend I finished my essay!!!

The make-over is done!

Check out the result!!!

Drastic times call for drastic measures

For me the best way to start the I-am-definitely-getting-over-you process is to do something drastic. Drastic always seems to work, just like buying yourself loads of presents!! So last night I went shopping with my mother and two 'sisters-in-law'. I bought myself this very expensive mud shower stuff, which smells absolutely wonderful. And after that we treated ourselves to a very nice dinner with loads of wine.

But of course this wasn't the drastic part. Yesterday i was fantasizing about a certain hair colour.
So after considering this for a long time....well, of course not. It's not called drastic for nothing.
I turned blond!!

Empty emotions

I hate him!! I hate the fact that he brought a girl to help pick up his stuff!! I hate the fact that he hurt me!! I hate the fact that he used me!! I hate everything about him and still I am sad...

Slowly dying is this love inside of me. Slipping away like water through my fingers. The empty hole that is left is increasing in size..growing and growing unil it fills up every corner of my soul.
In it's crushing progress it kills all my joy. Oh, how I wish I could hide myself in the deepest, darkest corners of my soul.

Selflessness

Why do we keep taking ourselves out of the equation?
What is the purpose in our lives if we don't live them the way we want to?
How can it be that I know exactly what I want in life, but i'm still not able to make it count. I behave in ways that pleases other people. I put myself in a box, labeled by others and for what purpose.
A friend gave me some very wise words today: "Selflessness is one of the most admirable traits someone can have, but a certain level of behavior rooted in a healthy respect for oneself is necessary."
Hearing this, I totally agree with her, but now comes the hard part: How will I be able to incorporate this in my every day life? It is not in my nature to be selfish and it can be a very bad quality in a person if overdone, so where is the balance?